Beating the Bully

First off. I have always been the little guy. Even my 14-year-old son will soon be bigger than me. This means I have been subjected to bullying all my life, of course. Although only one distinct example, not necessarily of size, which I will use here, stands out. There are always times in our lives when we are bullied. There are too many examples to list. But without doubt. The most common case is the Ego Bully, and most cases can relate back to this simple specimen of human. The one who feels a need inside to use others to inflate their ego. The methods they use are where it begins to vary a lot more.

As I said, being the small guy meant a constant challenge. So, fast forward to secondary school. Everything becomes more complicated. ‘Class’ systems and stereotyping become a much bigger issue as so many more dynamics come into play. This leads me on to my distinct example.

It was the first two years of secondary. I was being bullied really bad, not physically, as I was rather proficient at Judo. It was, how can I put it? I could classify it as psychological, I suppose. But that would be a broad term. I was bullied, essentially because of my appearance. I looked how I liked, with the resources available. They didn’t like my hair, how I thought, my shoes were shit etc. etc. But I wasn’t a minority group. If I were, it was a one-boy group. Anyways, keeping it to the short version. I cracked one day in English. I was walking past the guy, he made yet another nasty comment, I chopped him in the throat……… Now, before you condemn me, let me defend myself(before later condemning and then absolving myself again). This had been going on for like two years. Not in secret, but in full view. Especially in English, where we were sitting across from each other. There were two, but I will not deal with the other here. So, the teacher in this class had literally watched most of this happen(it happened in other classes too) and did nothing to begin to sort the problem, besides reprimanding both of us when the arguments got out of hand. My solution became violence………………………..

Right now I would like to say that without the right morals and guidance, the solution is always violence. I had the right morals. I picked them up from my parents and my Judo instructor. But in those moments I didn’t have the right guidance. And especially for that type of bullying, guidance is tough. What was required in this instance was guidance for the bully. In the form of…… well, the first is obvious, the second is the teacher.

Now for me to condemn myself a second time. After this, I had no more trouble from bullies but I became a bit of a bully myself. Not physically, but definitely mentally. I used my new found power for evil doing. Thankfully though it was short lived. It wasn’t even a ‘Hey I used to be bullied, so why am I doing it’ moment. It was just a realisation through morals. If you are gonna pick on somebody, make sure it’s some twat that is worthy. Of course when I say it to my children I quote Uncle Ben from Spiderman instead “With great power, comes great responsibility”

So here comes the harsh truth. We now know the philosophy behind, not, being a bully. That is the sad part about it. It is easier to be a good human being. But how do we deal with the insistent bully. We can ignore, that’s always a classic but can often make both sides more agitated. We can avoid, but for how long. We can strike out physically, which does not always end well. The key is mentality. What does this bully have over you? Money? Looks? Physique? Status? Intelligence? The last one is one that is rarely mentioned, why? Because it is presumed that to overcome somebody with your brain means…. being intelligent? I think not lol Again, some traits I most certainly gleaned from my study of Martial Arts.

Now I fast forward to being a grown up. I consider myself fairly intelligent guy now considering my academics. But I can tell you one thing. I have learned more from folks that think they are the shit(only in amount, not quality), than those genuinely intelligent folks that seek to share and grow. Learn from other peoples mistakes, is not a bad wee motto. But anyways, bullying in the grown up world is like primary school. We just make it more complicated with our adult ego. NOBODY has anything over anyone else. But as a grown up, the world is a harsh place. LIFE IS YOUR BULLY. If you don’t stand up to life, nobody else will in your place. If you can stand up to life, you can stand up for yourself and help others to do the same.

This may not be the conclusive answer you were looking for. If you were to ask me the meaning of life. I would probably give you a similar answer. Spotting bullying is a moot point if you can find your Way(if you like foreign terms, Tao or Do) Violence is always the last option. War is for those that want power. Peace is for those that have found power. Sometimes war will come upon you. But your peace will win you the war.

I kept it as short as possible, as always. I hope you enjoyed.